SH**T ABOUT ME

About me..

this is quite interesting when people ask how are you, what can you tell about yourself. To be honest i don't know myself, this is hard to think that i barely know myself. back in college, i didnt know what i want. i didn't know what course i need to take maybe because my grandma wants me to take the course she wanted for me. i wanted to be an architect or an artist to draw stuff but she said its not gonna work out as it wasn't in demand during that time. As i grow older, until i became a mother i came to realize that how life is very important.

i like to meet new people. listen to their attitudes and ways in life.  i don't mind having a beer with a nice conversation but partying or clubbing is not my thing. i rather sit on a pub have a beer and have a small talk to a stranger. i can say i'm not very friendly, i'm somewhat timid. if you don't  talk to me i wont talk to you. that's how it goes.

i like to travel. get lost. find my direction. somewhere far, far from the city where people don't know me. I like to be alone and  embracing the sunset, wind, sunrise, seeing how beautiful nature is the one of the best thing that can happen to me. i like to see life on how complex or on how simple it is. i like to see beauty to everything and everywhere. 

Again, i like traveling abroad. i wish to travel European countries, south and north america, some asian countries i haven't visited yet. i like to check the unending summer in Sweden, cherry blossom is japan, pretty highlands in Scotland,beautiful sunset in santorini Greece and Tuscany italy, ancient temples in cambodia, vietnam, myanmar , nepal, machu picchu in peru and many to mention. i basically have a very huge adventure spirit wherein i wanted to expand and get things in real. its just sad that i wasnt able to do what i wanna do at the moment as i have responsibility in life well im not saying its a hindrance but its reality that i have to prioritize things and not to prioritize my wants. 

since im having a tight budget about traveling i like the idea of about volunteering and that keeps me busy joining to these groups i found in the internet. so even tho im a noob at least whenever im ready for a certain maybe in the future, at least i do have an idea of it abit. so Goodluck for me.

im not really optimistic, basically i have been pessimist but id came to realize its not productive its not healthy, its not happy. so why would you let yourself be surrounded by negative vibes. so let life lives for you.

well, my life right now is the worst life i could i ever have in my entire life; where in i dont get to see friends whenever i want to, i cant go out, should i say i cant just go out whenever i want to, i stay with my son and my sister and her gf. we are happy nothing is wrong but thats the thing nothing is wrong. I have a very inconsistent job online- which is convenient for a mom like me. Im a single mom, i do everything on my own. trying not to get any help from family trying survive as much as i can. I dont like my life as it is very random, very boring, very not productive. but i have to deal with it. it sucks to know that i dont have a choice but to deal with it coz i dont have someone to help financially. sometimes, i felt that im sick coz my life is affecting my mind and soul and my body as it goes down to my stomach and when it goes up it damages my brain. although i think i am still sane but constantly im feeling depressed. i tend to control to fight for my depression but to be honest its the most difficult thing to do. I prayed, been praying almost everyday. but i guess i need to wait for that time when everything is settled. Maybe my mind, my heart and my decision about life.

im a goal oriented but i kept asking to myself, why isnt happening that right now? why can i reach my goals despite of my hardworks, my prayers, my hopes. i asked God why? but suddenly, a tear fell from my eye... my hardworks are not enough, my prayers are not enough and my hopes are not enough.. a voice telling me  i should go beyond enough. i should dream and pursue more. but how can i start? its complicated that it gets even more complicated each time i thought of it.

as i go to my facebook, wherein i subscribed to quotes of God. kept seeing in God everything is possible. i dont wanna be mad at him i love him and its what i felt and its what my heart says. Oh God, all i want is a new beginning of life for me and my son. DJ-my son is the greatest gift from God. he may be giving me a lot of stress in the world, lots of headaches, madness but the idea of he came from me, from my womb is the most precious and best thing in my life. being a mom is very priceless, when you see your child growing its even worth it. you would say you cant imagine that this kid that came from your womb would be as lovely as he is now. you see how beautiful life is?

okay, you might say im very ironic.. but this is life, u tend to love it and u hated it sometimes. it is not perfect. ill tell you what, ive got all the depression in the world to some extent i cant eat. i cant focus, i cant speak, all i do is to cry the whole day. but i cant hate the fact that i am a mother. being a mother is not just an obligation but a priceless job where you can get an unconditional love as a reward. there was a time when, we were struggling about money we didnt have anything to eat, you know what they say that the last bite is belong to your kid. thats true. even though you dont eat if your kid is full it makes you happy.  when i became a mother i forget everything i want for me because all in my thoughts are his wants and needs. its not wrong and its not bad. because this is how a parent loves their children. will do everything for them no matter what.

above everything else, i love life and the challenges and struggles on the side.  i love God. i love people around me especially to those who love me.